Just fyi, I've been plunged into a pre-holiday depression! I was thinking yesterday about how, in a way Christmas and Easter are reverse images of each other. Easter is about darkness giving way to a burst, however temporary of pure light--while Christmas is about a tiny light shining in the midst of a universe of darkness.
Christmas is all about the family and it's interesting--and no accident--that Christmas, way more than Easter, tends to bring those of us who were not, for lack of a better phrase "securely attached' in childhood, to a bone-dry desert. Bone scraping against psychic bone, with no consolation and no end in sight. The place where Christ called out, "Lord, Lord, why have you forsaken me?" Though Easter's the season that's ostensibly about spiritual thirst, deserts, and the Crucifixion, Christmas is the time when many of us realize all over again that our hearts have been calling out in forsakenness our whole lives.
H.A.L.T.--Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired--is an acronym known to many of us former active drunks: as in don't let yourself get too any of those things. Lately I've been all four. Hungry as in realizing at 3 p.m., stuck in freeway traffic, that the only thing I've eaten all day is a bowl of raisin bran. Lonely as in don't even get me started. Angry as in could people shut up, turn off their cell phones, learn how to drive, stop iairing their moronic opinions, curb their obnoxious dogs, pay what they owe, and leave me alone?
But especially tired. Literal tired as in my circadian rhythm stubbornly refuses to adjust to PST after my travels so I wake every morning around 3. Tired from trying to juggle and complete many projects, obligations, and plans. Tired of people who want to debate/win points I've never argued with in the first place.
And on a deeper level, tired of the limitations of being human.
Well get out the violins. Nothing a good night's sleep, a Banquet chicken pot pie and a giant cup of hot chocolate, and DEATH won't fix!
Just kidding. Better to feel the holiday blues sooner rather than later.
And the tiny light shining in darkness is this. You'd never know it from the above but my sense is I really am undergoing yet another small death, as we all are, all the time, if we allow ourselves to.
And death hurts! Death can make the weaker among us ever so slightly fearful, exhausted, and testy!
"Discrimination regarding who or what we allow to have room in our minds, to preoccupy us, can only be achieved if we regularly empty our minds of our preoccupations. Emptiness, stillness, silence, each of these words is an attempt to pin-point the condition in which God is known. In a daring passage the author of the letter to the Philippians proposes Jesus as the model from whom we have to learn this self-emptying: 'Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus who, though he was God, did not cling on to his equality with God but emptied himself and took upon himself teh form of a servant.' "
--Donald Nicholls, Holiness, p. 70
I will have it all worked out by Thursday at the latest.
Happy Thanksgiving Week to all.
|HOW COULD ANYONE BE DEPRESSED WALKING |
DAILY AMIDST SUCH SPLENDOR?